I know there will always be girls who are going to be better than me — prettier, smarter, more skinny, funnier. Those girls can easily catch your eye with just one hair flip, a wink, a flirty smile, or with their swaying hips when they pass by in front of you. And I literally can’t stand a chance when compared to them. This is why I try to protect you from their wicked charms by building a wall around you; a wall that is too high to prevent you from looking out and to stop them from looking in. I still did that even though I know how much you hate being trapped, how claustrophobic you are.
I try to protect you by doing my best to be everything you need - girlfriend, friend, parent, sibling, enemy - hoping that you would see that I am already enough for you. That you don’t need to look for these roles in another girl because I AM HERE TO BE EVERYTHING YOU NEED AND WANT, EVEN. I still did that even though I know deep inside me that I will never be enough to play all those roles; that you need other people to grow and learn.
I try to protect you by limiting your time spent with your girl friends because I’m scared that they’d make you happier than I could, that you’d realize this and leave me alone. I still did this even though I am aware how much you value your friendship with them.
I try to protect you by making you the center of my world, my everything. I shower you with time, attention and affection. I included you in my future plans. Whenever I decide on something, I consider you first. If it won’t favor you, I won’t agree on it. If it will, I would. I did this fervently hoping that in trying to make you see how much you mean to me, you’d also see my worth and figure out that nobody can compare with the way I love you. I still did this even though I am equipped with the knowledge that you don’t want to get too attached to anyone, even me.
I suck in this, I know. But you see, with them around, I don’t stand a chance. And to be able to keep you in my life, I have to be good enough for you. I don’t know if I ever will be,
i. You learn to trust. You give them even the tiniest shred of trust left in your chest. It’s just so innate for a person who loves to give all, and to rely on something you think is worth fighting for. Everything just go sideways and you let them….
❝ 1. Kiss that cute boy at the party, but push him away as soon as he puts his hand up your skirt
2. Smoke a cigarette for the first time, and make it your last
3. Don’t straighten your hair for a week, see how many compliments you get
4. Blast your favourite song even when your mum has told you off for playing it too loudly. Enjoy those 3 minutes of pure happiness before she pulls the plug out.
5. Say yes to going out, you’ll have something to tell your grandchildren about
6. Paint a sun on a rainy day, then stick it to the window
7. Eat the cupcake, you have better things to worry about than those 300 calories
8. Do yoga and meditate as often as possible
9. Stand up for yourself. Someone called you a slut? Someone said you are ugly? Someone said your art work was boring and dull? That is your cue to fucking stand up for yourself and make them speechless
10. Don’t respond to a group of males whistling at you. You’re a human being, not a fucking dog
11. Leave your headphones at home, see how much you are missing out on because you’re always lost in your own thoughts
12. Carry hand sanitizer and bandaids in your purse
13. Wear sexy underwear, loads of leather, a fur coat, heels and purple lipstick. Do it for yourself, not for the hot guy next door.
14. If you’re having a bad day, cry, scream, punch a pillow, throw stuff around. Then you pick up the mess, including yourself and get back up.
15. Smile, be polite and get on peoples good sides for starters
16. Stop waiting for your crush, stop dressing up for the bar man that serves you a free drink or staying extra hours at work for your boss. Stop impressing these dickheads and start impressing yourself.
17. Laugh until you cry, and when the girl sitting next to you in class tells you to shut up, laugh even louder.
18. Do whatever feels right in the moment, laugh, cringe and regret it later. Repeat.